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Vindstadt Campaign

Lizards and Dryads

Martin Shaver

The Cast:
Prince Elgar!, "Orc Slayer", son of the Wizard King Dor-el of Snarl Swamp, his father is forcing him to become a mage.
Patch, voted best looking party member in a leather bikini, a fine set of tools tucked away somewhere on her person.
Lt. Brandt Ravenscraft, "nice brass", "Wielder of Orc Cleaver" (read on), tall, dark, handsome AND hung.

The Grandiose Tales of Brandt Ravenscraft, Lt.

T-t-t-t-t-touch me, I want to feel dirty!

Ere we touched the wondrous statue of Smidgity we found ourselves bathed in his holy light! Then we discovered it was just the flash from a teleportation spell that we must have set off. I learned much of teleportation while assisting King Dor-el in his mystical research. I wonder how he is continuing his work without my prestidigitatious advice!

As the magical light dimmed we found ourselves surrounded by trees. The light from above was bright but not quite equal to full daylight. I suspected we were still underground when Patch noticed the stalagtites dangling from the ceiling. I was fearful of icky-things but we were fortunate as none fell on our party of brave spelunkers.

With the artificial light and the disorientation of the teleportation we weren't certain of which way was North. Elgar! picked a direction and we declared that North and began to walk. We stumbled upon a group of six gnolls! No, wait, six orcs!

Too close for missile combat, we must fight them hand-to-hand. I prefer this form of combat, Patch is equally skilled with HTH as well as missile combat, but Elgar! perfers the bow and doesn't fare as well in close combat. Patch and I dispatch our vile opponents and assist Elgar! with his orcs. We make short work of the orcs and decide to continue going "North" (or whatever direction we're headed).

Before we go the length of three wyvern's tails (end-to-end not side-by-side), we notice a figure hiding in the tree ahead. "She's beautiful", sighs Elgar!. "She's short", muses Patch. "She's naked", breathes Brandt.

I'm a Lumberjack and I'm OK

"I'm Flora" the nymph says, rather seductively. I am under her spell almost immediately. All the teachings of Father Dor-el (as I call him) are but naught as I am overcome with an urge to plant my seed. Is that too subtle? No, for you can not understand until you have seen this beauty for yourself. Perhaps it is too honest, though?

The nymph seems overjoyed that we were able to stop the orcs so quickly. She goes on to mention that they would fight back except they are afraid of the orc's masters. They?! My mind reels with the possibilities as more and more 'sisters' emerge from the trees. I can barely contain myself as I think of all these nymphs and nary a satyr in sight! Glorious!

Oh, Flora mentions something about minotaurs and beasties but I care not. I will undertake her bidding reguardless of what evil things lie ahead. Elgar! and Patch just stare at me but we agree to help these beautiful creatures.

The nymphs lead us through the woods to a strategic point overlooking the nearby temple / stronghold. I can not tell you which ways we travelled as I kept my eyes on the path in front of me. Or perhaps on the nymph in front of me. I'm certain there was a path. Perhaps there was a path.

I watched the nymph.

Guarding the front is a humongous hydra! I start to rethink the wisdom of this attack until I think of how happy it will make the nymphs. And that is bound to make me happy. Very happy.

Don't Sit On The Fire Hydra-ant

We agree on a plan of attack. Elgar! will stay back and fire his arrows. He has quaffed a potion of quickness and will be firing arrows at twice his normal speed! Patch will slip into the shadows (using her magical skills as there aren't many shadows in this artificial light) and attempt to sneak behind the beastie. She has sipped a potion of heroism. I will charge the hydra in an attempt to frighten it into submission. I gulped my potion of heroism (under the suggestion of Elgar! and Patch) and this now sounds like a totally sane idea to me. I wonder if I didn't also partake of a potion of stupidity?

We take our places. Elgar! begins his attack and the now much larger-looking hydra appears quite upset. The first arrow bounces harmlessly off the creature's scales. I begin my charge. The next arrow also bounces off the hydra's scales. I am not afraid but I am wondering if this isn't the stupidest thing I've ever done. The hydra has also started to charge and, since I am between it and Elgar!, I believe I am the next best target.

Elgar!'s third arrow streaks through the sky and misses the beast altogether. I groan. One of the hydra's heads snickers, another growls. I believe I hear Patch groan. I know this is going to hurt.

I ready my magical dwarvish axe and say my prayers to Gen-Bay, god of pain relief, and to Smidgity, god of smidgidigity, as I continue to charge the enraged monster. I can smell his fetids breaths as I approach. He appears to be enraged that only one brave attacker is approaching him! By Xanthus! He should be more fearful!!

Just then, Elgar! releases another arrow. The shaft torques through the air and finds a soft spot on the beast's throat! It drives itself deep and hard into the tender fleshy-spot and the multi-headed beast quivers in agony. Then falls to the ground. I reach the fallen monster and whack it once more for good measure.

I hear the nymphs praising Elgar! for his (lucky) shot and I begin to fear that I will not get to sample the sins that only nymphs can provide when a dozen orcs and a very large minotaur emerge from the temple.

The Bigger They Are...

The minotaur (obviously the leader) commands the orcs to attack. Only four dare risk their lives to attack me while the others speed off to attack Elgar!

My first attack neatly decapitates an orc. The survivers can not penetrate my awesome defense.

I hear the twang of Elgar!'s bow and the laughter of living orcs as Elgar! begins to lead all eight orcs on a chase through the woods.

My next attack severs the next orc's jugular. I watch as he crumples to the ground and begins to bleed to death. The other two orcs glance at each other as their pitiful attacks are easily defended.

I hear the twang of Elgar!'s bow again but this time it is followed by the sound of an orc choking on an arrow. Good shot, Elgar!

Seeing the fear in my opponent's eyes I take a mighty swing at the orc on the left. The dwarvish axe thunders through the air as I cut the orc in half. From top to bottom, through it's skull and spinal cord and pelvis. As I turn to glare at the surviving orc, he promptly soils himslef (his attack for the round) then drops to the ground and begs for mercy. I assume that's what it was as I can not speak his horrid tongue.

I am covered in orkish gore and I must look afright for as I but gaze up to the minotaur king he falls to the ground. Then I spy Patch behind him, attempting to remove a dagger from his back. Beware the saucey tart!

As we regroup, the dryads have cast sleep spells on the remaining orcs. We now have 8 orc prisoners. Flora asks Elgar! what their fate shall be? Elgar! decrees that the orcs "shall become tree food". I take my prisoner behind the wood shed for a lesson in human-orcish relations before ending his humiliation. I believe he was glad to see me raise my axe to him.

Picking Up The Pieces

We are treated to a night of festivity with the dryads. I found two nymphs able to take my manhood. Elgar! wandered off with five(!) dryads (including Flora) and even Patch disappeared with some new-found friends.

Before too long we decide to look around the stronghold. We discover that there are 5 minotaur cows and 7 minotaur calves within. Elgar! decrees that they can remain there provided they assist the dryads and not fight the lovely damsels (a special thanks to Patch, the "vizier in a brasier").

We also stumble upon a tribesman who is bound to an altar of some sort. Elgar! frees him and sends him homeward bound, with the name of "Elgar!" on his lips. What a strange little fellow he was! I don't believe he knew who or what "Elgar!" was nor how he came to be freed.

We then locate a staircase going down to new adventures and a brighter future. But, ah, that is a tale for another time.

Until again,
Lt. Brandt Ravenscraft, Esq.

[Please Note: Brandt scored the highest attack score to date by rolling two 6's for his attack followed by two 6's for his reroll+add followed by two non-6's plus COMbat plus the bonuses from the potion for a total of 65 which, against the orc, resulted in a "P" wound. Way to go, Brandt!]