The Moldank Chronicles
The Tale of Demonic Ennui
F. Martin Shaver
Cast of Characters:
"Report to me, my servent."
I could feel the wizard sneering even though I couldn't see him. And I use the term 'wizard' loosely. Anyone who tries to resurrect a demon must not be as good as he thinks.
Of course, the Big Man Downstairs let it partially succeed (*such* a sense of humor!). See, after ages of labor He finally sent me to the surface worlds. I took a little too much damage and was on my way back when this 'wizard' decides he wants to try a "raise the dead" spell on me. It left me with my head fully detatchable and even more grumpy than usual. The living think I'm a zombie of some sort; I'm really something between a demon and an undead. I presume that I'm still basically a demon so that if I "died" again I would go Home.
Anyway, I decide not to keep this wizard waiting. I let him think he has control of me: "Yes, my master" (ya lousy crumb!).
"Where are you?" that wizard asks.
Idiot. Can't you find out for yourself? "We are aboard a ship, my master. We have left the island."
"What?!?! Get back here immediately!" the mageful-wonder proclaims in his most stately manner.
"I can swim back, myself. But the others can not. The leather bitch (Vashti Onion) is badly hurt, the elf (Selinos of the Cloven Tower) is hurt, the goblin (Moldank Blackband) is a hungry idiot, and the sailors have scurvy."
"What happened to Flanders Dimetria the weasel manbeast?" wizz-boy demands?
"He took one of the collars and disappeared. We assume that he's dead." Your bag-of-windiness, I mutter under my breath.
"Good, good. I think this will fit in with my plan, slave. Keep an eye on them. Oh, and how did you get on board the ship?"
"Well, it happened like this, my master (masturbator, more like it!)"...
We found ourselves on that same old island where we started this 'adventure' (more like 'prison'). Suddenly we were surrounded by angry barbarians and snarling wizards. I knew they were magical instantly; my companions were too tired to care. A voice suggested that they would make a wonderful staff. Then came another illusion of piles of treasure behind a secret door. The same booming voice, yada yada.
I decided that I was going to look for a hidden door. Vashti helped and before long we found a secret door (much like the illusion promised). Everyone stays close (because of the collars) and we open the door.
Not too far in front of us is a goblin with his back to us and two doors. Everyone else approaches the goblin and there's lots of talking and a skirmish. I'm too busy reading the door that says "Do Not Enter" in several languages. It doesn't say "Do Not Open" so I try the door. I hear the sounds of stones scraping against stones as if there are a wall of rocks just waiting to fall on the person who opens this door. Hmm, tempting but I'm looking for goodies.
I go to the next door just as everyone else comes back from killing the guard. There's lots of stuff here, not much useful. After poking around a bit we find: a magic key, a magic pendant, and a magic ring. I found the key and it's got a dial and buttons, the human found the pendant, and the elf found the ring. The goblin found some dirt.
The key gets us past the stone trap on the other door. Too bad, that would have been a great gag! The Big Guy loves gags like that. But we do find lots of other goodies. The goblin gets a crossbow (I can't wait to break it), we find some basic Adventurers Packs (the Blue Ones), and some pretty weapons. The normals eat like they haven't had food in days. I don't understand that. The elf thinks I would help her prepare a meal; I just smile and she decides that that wasn't such a good idea afterall.
We wander around a bit and find four goblin guards. Our goblin shoots his crossbow into the throat of one of them, killing it instantly (all the while asking if they have any fish?). The human hurls her spear into the chest of another, killing it instantly. This doesn't deter the other two from attacking. Since I'm loathe to fight I stay back and offer my best advice. In no time at all, the remaining two are dead.
The room has four stations with a pulzit, a puznit, a notchto, and a swarmit. The human starts messing with the controls. I'm suddenly overcome by the beauty of it all, and watch in pure rapture. I do believe she's trying to break them! How glorious!! It sounds like whatever she's doing is working because I don't think that station is ever going to work again! Huzzah!
There are more humans below who are angry at what our human has done. They send two barbarians up to stop her. Our goblin crossbows one of them in the eye and knocks him backwards through the door. Vashti (our human) is fighting the other one (with Selinos (our elf) assisting from behind (very sneaky!)). Moldank (our goblin) reloads his crossbow but can't quite get a clear shot into combat so I try to assist Moldank but he can't hold the crossbow steady. Vashti falls to the barbarian fighter which clears the shot for me and Moldank. But Selinos finishes the barbarian off before we can help.
We give Vashti a taste of the healing draught we found, enough to keep her alive. Then I drag her to the ship and convince the human that we're supposed to be on it. He stupidly lets me on board were we try to stay out of the way. Before long, the sailors have finished loading and unloading the ship and they shove off (with our little group on board).
And that's how we got off the island.