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An Elgar Adventure

The Hamlet of Snubart

Martin Shaver

Elgar! Dammit: Recognizable Elf Prince, xenophobe.
Patch: A Clothing Minimalist, good with her hands, excellent in shadows.
Brandt: Charming Swordsman, excellent libido with a pink torpedo.

The Hamlet of Snubart
by Lt. Brandt Ravenscroft, Esq.

Bless You

We were travelling through Snubart when we heard several rumors of the lands surrounding. We decided we would follow up on any interesting leads and see where that took us, as we were waiting for word to arrive on my impending knighthood as an human liaison to Snarl Swamp.

1) Goblins had uncovered a haunted mine.
2) Flying lizardmen had been spotted.
3) Someone had uncovered Dwarvish goods nearby (possibly in the mines).

Just outside the town, we decided to try and look for goblin tracks. Patch was quickly distracted by my Pocket Monster which left Elgar! in peace and quiet to concentrate on the tracks. He was able to determine how many goblins there were and what their lineage was while Patch was overcome with excitement (naughty vixen!).

Following Elgar!'s lead (with Patch in the middle), we crept up on the goblins unawares. I attribute my stealthiness to the wolfskins I was wearing in place of my normal chainmail. Patch, as usual, wore the bare minimum for decency's sake. Bless her carnal soul! Elgar!, as at home in woods as in a swamp, was his usual quiet self.

Before I could charge in and take out all seven goblins, Elgar! rushed into their camp, announced who he was, and demanded their surrender. ("Surrender! For I am Elgar, damnit!" ed.) The goblins, overcome with awe at Elgar!'s boldness, did just that. Patch notched an arrow and was prepared for any miscreants while Elgar! began to question them. That left me to tie them up.

Since goblins are notoriously horny creatures I decided to make their suffering as pleasant as possible. I ordered them to strip their clothing and line up. Then I proceeded to tie them into place in ways that would allow them to enjoy each other's company as much as possible. Some of the goblins seemed to rather enjoy this but a few weren't quite as happy with my choices. No matter, they would exhaust themselves before long and by then someone would be by to untie them.

You Are Here

While helping the goblins strip, I chanced upon a concealed map. Nevermind where. I rolled it in the grass a bit and then handed it to Elgar! who immediately took it and opened it. We quickly discerned where we were in relation to the map and that there appeared to be a secret entrance to the mines marked on the map! (How convenient for us!)

Following the map, we quickly located an entrance that might have taken Elgar! upwards of ten minutes to find himself for he is a very clever elf. Fearing nasties that live in dark places, Elgar! whipped out his magic lightrod, a nifty device that incorporates a glowing gem into a capped stick that can be easily uncapped with the touch of a button.

Once inside, we came upon a pile of rusting mining supplies in the antechamber. Leaving the junk behind, we go into the next room. Elgar! immediately discovers a pit in front of us and that something or someone, possibly a pixie, is inside. He is an excellent scout, even underground. We open the pit door to find that there is, indeed, a pixie (Tinkledüff) inside, but that her wings have been torn off. Of course we rescue the pixie but we debate for a few moments the best way to assist her getting about, as she is currently wingless. My initial suggestion was deemed too "crude" so she ended up riding on Elgar!'s shoulders (unless he's in combat). (The Pixie was overcome with awe for the famous Elgar, and pleadged her loyalty and service for the rescue. Her wings will grow back in a year or two. Ed.)

What A Big Gem You Have!

At the bottom of the pit is a passageway which leads to a passage and cave that has been carved out of solid stone. Although Elgar! follows the tracks, I believe a blind ferret could have followed them. We quickly come upon the cave when we are startled (not surprised) by a huge ignome! Easily twelve feet tall and wearing a suspicious gem about his neck, the pixie informs us that that's the beast that tore off her wings.

The gem appeared to provide magical protection for the first several blows by me and Elgar! and arrows by Patch miss their mark entirely. Then the tide begins to turn as I hack away at the beast. Patch delivers a blow which knocks the creature to the ground, unconscious. While Elgar! jumps on top of the beast, ripping the gem from his neck and shoving a dagger into its neck, I congratulate Patch on a successful mission. Her mind quickly reverts back to carnality and I realize that I owe her a favor. We proceed to express our joy at surviving another beastly encounter as Elgar! rolls his eyes and leads the curious pixie away.

Later, Patch and I search the cave but find nothing of interest except for a crumpled map and a key. But that's another story entirely.